Rantville

2003-11-06T22:33:00.000-05:00

Hey man thats what is going to happen. I was watching tv and the new transformers cartoons are on (complete crap) and all i could say was wow transformers are from back in the day. sorry bro.

2003-11-06T08:15:00.000-05:00

It's like they found, and destroyed, every single show I hated (that prm

2003-11-06T08:09:00.000-05:00

It's like they found, and destroyed, every single show I hated (that premiered this season, anyway).

God bless our overseers at the networks.

2003-11-02T10:25:00.000-05:00

I will no longer be posting here. I have moved to a new site.

Here you go

2003-11-01T07:45:00.000-05:00

madonna on the j-lo/ben thing.

This new blurb we file not only under "who gives a fuck what she thinks" but also under "why the fuck did they ask her to comment about this?"

2003-11-01T07:00:00.000-05:00

Music from the 70s now considered oldies

hoo man. wait till the 80s start becoming oldies. i'm going to have a siezure or something.

"hey jimmy, wanna click on the oldies"

"sure, why not?"

*click*

just beat it....beat it...

jimmy then smashes radio to pieces while yelling "DEAR GOD NOOOOOO!!!!!! I'M OLD!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!"

2003-11-01T06:33:00.000-05:00

kudos to mexico if this actually works.

anti-graffiti paint

2003-10-31T22:42:00.000-05:00

flasher chased down by catholic high school girls and beaten.

this is funny on so many damn levels. my only question is, did he get what he wanted? i mean, i'm sure that i wouldn't mind a group of girls clad in school uniforms chasing me. but then again, if the goal was to beat me i wouldn't like it. furthermore, i don't plan on exposing myself to them giving them a good reason to do so. maybe this guy actually enjoyed the whole experience.

it boggles the mind.

2003-10-31T05:39:00.000-05:00

Extreme pumpkin carving.

bonus to anyone who can find my favorite.

2003-10-31T04:25:00.000-05:00

ok, now THIS is a movie i'd stand in line to see.

The Rock to play live-action Johnny Bravo?

that would be AWESOME.

whoa mama.....

2003-10-30T12:01:00.000-05:00

Some Thursday humor.

A woman walks into a pharmacy and up to the prescription 'order here'
counter...
"I need some cyanide or some chemical like it to kill my husband" she
says.

"Ma'am, you can't just walk in here and order chemicals like that and
it's against the law to kill your husband'" answers the
pharmacist.

She searches around in her purse and produces a manila folder and pulls
out something and hands it to the pharmacist.
It's a photo of her husband having sex with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist replies, "Oh, I didn't realize you had a prescription!

2003-10-30T10:03:00.000-05:00

I found this new site for an online comic called Movie Comics. cool site and funny too.

this one is hilarious.

2003-10-29T20:58:00.000-05:00

you've gotta be fucking shitting me.

the army has gone pansy. that's all there is to it.

gee, and i thought we were fighting a war here. guess not. my bad.

2003-10-29T10:55:00.000-05:00

Well i am just shocked i tell you.

ok actually i'm not.

2003-10-29T04:56:00.000-05:00

I rarely mention NASCAR news on this site. but i think this is pretty big news.

Pontiac will not be run after 2003 season.

i told everyone that the departure of Joe Gibbs racing would mark the death of pontiac in nascar. how sweet it is to be right. for those of you who don't know Joe Gibbs fields 2002 winston cup champ Tony Stewart and 2000 champ Bobby Labonte. they're both driving Chevy now.

so where to now for the existing 9 teams running pontiacs? chances are most all of them will run Chevy since it's both GM.

anyway, it's news to me.

2003-10-28T22:31:00.000-05:00

this comment might seem hypocritical coming from me.

stop your bitching

some people are actually complaining about the release of the new looney tunes DVD set because......it doesn't have the cartoons that THEY wanted. they think that warner brothers is stringing them along and "abusing their loyalty". go fuck yourself people. i'm personally overjoyed just to get ANY looney tunes on DVD. sure they haven't released ALL the ones i want, but i can wait. start throwing these accusations at people more deserving.

- taking too long to release them all: that complaint should be directed at Fox for dragging ass on releasing the Simpsons seasons on DVD.

- abusing fans loyalty: as much as it pains me, i have to say this one should be focused on Lucas. i'm a minority in this issue in general. because i enjoyed Episode 1 for the most part and i'm not one of these whiney little assholes crying "he raped my childhood".

jackasses....

2003-10-28T21:20:00.000-05:00

Rocketpenguin has come out with a "booty call" edition of his tips for men. or basically, how to get some. he has asked for my input.

i kinda differ with him. he seems to go in the direction of setting up your own pad to bring her into it. personally, i would perfer to pick her up at her place or something and see if she invites me into her place. that way i can bail at any time and it's a better indicator that she is showing interest. his tips during the date tend to play the phoney angle a little too much for my taste. for example he recommends you make sure she knows you love kids. i don't play that. i hate kids. and i ain't about to pretend i like the little crying poop-machines just to score.

really i'm the wrong guy to ask for tips on how to score on a date. i hate dating. it's a freakin hassle. here's my advice

- be yourself which i don't mean in a cliche manner. i mean be yourself to the point of you talk and act as you damn well please.

- lower your expectations. i don't mean date nasty chicks. i mean don't expect to even get a goodnite kiss. so when you don't you aren't surprised or upset. hope for the best, expect the worst.

- if you find yourself in the position of sitting on the couch at your place or hers watching a movie, offer a massage. it's worked more than once for me and i'm damn good at it.

that's it. that's all i can offer.

2003-10-28T10:10:00.000-05:00

now this is what i'm talking about .....boo ya.

Congratulations!! You're a tall glass of nice cold
beer!

What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-10-28T07:56:00.000-05:00

'Price Is Right' Announcer Rod Roddy Dies

that show won't be the same.

2003-10-28T03:03:00.000-05:00

reason #billion i'm never moving to LA.

they actually have to pass a law to keep people from urinating or crapping in public?

that isn't why i'm pissed (hee hee....get it? pissed? you know....cuz i said uri....ah never mind). i'm pissed because people are actually FIGHTING this law!!!! there's jackasses out there acting like we're telling homeless people they may not ever use the restroom again. and get this, now the LAPD is going to get more training. yes folks, they need training on what circumstances they may issues tickets or not.

sorry Jeff, i know you like it there, but hey whatever works for you i guess.

2003-10-27T23:31:00.000-05:00

rocketpenguin gives dating advice for women.

Jimmy will now review with commentary.

1. Bring some money. About $50 should do it, cash. If this is a first date you never know what kind of guy it is, even if you've been "friends" for a while. When dealing with women, single guys have two kinds of female friends. Those they think are ugly, and those they want to bone. If your on a date you never know if he was being artificially nice this whole time to set up this date. That being said you don't want to be dependent on him. Besides it's always a good idea to have enough money for cab fare.

fair enough. i pretty always pay anyway since i just accepted guys will always get the shaft on the financial portion of dating.

2. Pick your outfit with care. I guy is going to gauge two things off the outfit that you wear. What his chances are, and how interested you are in him. If your girls are popping out like you have two midgets in a headlock, he might get the wrong idea. On the other hand if you just wear jeans and a T-shirt, it says you not interested in him enough to care what you look like.

screw this guy. jeans and a t-shirt is fine by me. in fact, the more formal you look, the worse off i feel. why? cuz i dress like a slob. khakis and a button up shirt is considered formal to me. painfully formal. if yer in jeans it's cool because i know i'll be wearing them.

3. Easy on the makeup. Less is always better than more. There is nothing worse than having the girl next door that you asked out turn into Morticia Adams when you pick her up. This is seriously scary stuff.

agreed. don't overdo it.

4. Unlock his door. If he's a gentleman and opens your door for you, you really need to unlock his door for him. It shows that you're considerate. Some guys use the key instead of the remote precisely to test this. (OK probably just me, but you never know) If he doesn't open your door, his momma didn't teach him right and you have no obligation to hook him up.

this is a nice gesture especially if i remember to open your door. sometimes i forget. i'm only human.

5. Have an opinion. You don't need to be overbearing but that coy girly "Why don't you make the decisions you big strong man." stopped being attractive in the thirties. You don't have to make the final call, just help us out a bit. A simple "I really like Italian food." can go along ways. Although he should already have a working plan in place, if he doesn't get your opinion/approval on it, it should send up a warning flare to you.

PLEASE have an opinion. if you can't think for yourself that will annoy the piss out of me. and don't always agree with me. jimmy like to debate. my own personal experience with girlfriends who are non-confrontational has made me hostile to a girl who doesn't have an opinion or refuses to express it cuz she doesn't want to debate something.

6. Eat something damn it. This goes back to the outdated coy girly bidness. We know that 90% of women are uncomfortable eating in front of guys, but it still annoys the hell out of us. First of all we won't think your pigs if you eat like a normal human being. Second it makes us feel like a pig when we are the only one eating like a normal human being. There is nothing quite like the feeling of seeing a $20 dollar steak being carried away from your table with two bites taken out of it.

this seems more common courtesy than anything. but yeah it is annoying.

7. Order whatever you want as long as it isn't the lobster. We seriously don't care what you order. Even if it's vegetarian as long as you don't try to push it on us. Ordering the most expensive thing on the menu however makes us question if you are going to be high maintenance.

like i'm ever going to take you to THAT expensivbe a resturaunt.....ha ha ha.....feel free to super-size that happy meal baby. jimmy's going to spring for extra cheese. but dammit you better super-size that goodnite kiss.

8. Watch you mouth. We don't care if you curse, occasionally. At this point in the relationship neither one of you are actually on the date, only your representatives are present. If every other word is a curse word, it shows a lack of class. When you are both sitting around watching movies in your sweats the cursing can become endearing. Save it til then.

curse all you like. it makes it easier for me to curse. especially if you're talking about something that annoys you. i'm not hung up on all that crap on outward behavior and classy. i've seen what "classy" girls act like. screw that. i don't want an uptight bitch. HOWEVER, there are moments where a modified behavior may be called for. i'll admit that.

9. Don't talk about your ex. In fact don't even mention his (if it's not a him, feel free to bring it up) tired ass unless we ask. If you say anything about him it shows that your mind is on him. I have had first dates where a girl talked about her ex the entire night, all the while assuring me how "over" him she was. Another date with a different girl consisted of me listening to vivid details about how she trashed his apartment and car after catching him with another girl. I didn't have second dates with either one of them. In fact I didn't even give my real address or phone number to them.

turnabout is fair play. expect payback to come in the form of many stories of all the chicks i've banged. and that's all i'm going to talk about. sex stories. cuz i know it'll piss you off.

10. Easy on the booze. You might be nervous but keep a two-drink minimum. If you get sloppy drunk and make a fool of yourself, a good guy will never call you again, and a bad guy will drop you off in the morning.

whatever increases my chances to score. works for me.

11. Make a motion to pay. It doesn't even have to be a sincere motion, and it doesn't have to be a motion to pay for more than your share, but the motion means a lot. It shows you're not a high maintenance girl who expects everything to be handed to you. It's one of the simplest things you can do to get filed into "keeper" status by him.

i'm 100% in agreement with this one.

12. Easy on the compliments. You should say he looks nice, maybe that he's funny but that should be the extent of it on the first date. The male ego is a fragile and complicated entity. If you start sounding more like a fan than a date, you become at best, less interesting at worst, scary. Men can have stalkers too. To this day I'm still afraid of mine.

this guy must be some kind of stud. shit, i take any compliments i can get. cuz they don't come very often.

13. Show a little love. How much affection you give at the end of the night has a direct impact on his interest. If you kiss him, you've stated that you're interested and the ball is in his court. If you don't, he's left to guess whether or not you're going to be making up lame excuses next time he calls.

i agree. only because i make it a personal rule not to initiate physical contact. i just don't like to play guessing games on if you want to hold hands or hug or kiss or whatever. i let her decide.

14. But don't show too much love. I'll probably get booed and possibly my ass kicked for this but it's probably the most important thing on the list. DON'T PUT OUT. If you put out on the first date, you instantly go from possible girlfriend material, to a character in an exaggerated semi-fictional story that will be told over beers to his friends. All future calls will be booty calls. To stay out of skank territory, don't let him get any more than a handful of booty. It's well established by the Geneva Convention and international law that the third date is the sex date.

screw this guy. i've had a few gotten laid on first dates and it didn't matter one way or the other to me. sleeping with me on the first date only makes you a skank if you turn and then go bang 2 or 3 other guys the next couple days. lemme make something clear, i don't expect anything on a date. anything i get from a peck on the cheek to a roll in the sack is bonus for me.

15. Don't call him. He probably won't call for a few days after the date. This is normal. If you're really interested in him, wait for the call. If you call it makes you seem desperate, and they're by less attractive. (Stupid and immature I know, but I swear it's true) You already indicated your interest with the post date lovin'. He will either call within a few days or he's not interested and he blew you off. If he blew you off it's best to let the relationship die gracefully. (This will ensure you stay out of his psycho story repertoire.)

once again, this guy must some kinda stud. blowing off isn't a problem for me because i tend to be rather direct. i've had a couple girls where we had a date or 2, i wasn't feeling the magic, or i just wasn't into it cuz i had other issues and rather than waste her time i just let her know.

so there you have it. hope this amused you. and for any chicks reading this that i have dated, keep in mind that most of these opinions are current ones. i'm not into dating anymore because frankly a year and half ago i suddenly got REAL bitter at the opposite sex.

2003-10-26T06:12:00.000-05:00

I just had the wierdest experience since arriving in this country.

(drum roll)

i just drove a vehicle with the steering wheel on the right side. creepy.

2003-10-25T22:55:00.000-05:00

The truth

if you believe otherwise, you're nieve as hell. send me an email and tell me what the weather is like on the planet you're living on.

2003-10-25T08:03:00.000-05:00

I TOLD you people this country had beauty waiting to be found.

here it be

2003-10-24T21:57:00.000-05:00

So was sitting and wondering, "what to do with the money i earn....."

Duh......

"does anyone else sense impending doom?"

"dum da da dum da da dum da da vegetable garden......."

"i think we all do mom"

"dum da da dum da da dum da da dum, dum da da dum da CORN!"

chris will get the joke.

2003-10-24T21:49:00.000-05:00

Forbes recently published their list of top 19 earnings for dead celebrities.

#7

2003-10-24T10:13:00.000-05:00

The rantville mayor, hard at work.

i'll even provide dialog.

zzzzzzzzzz........

and no that hat isn't mine. it was something we found laying around.

2003-10-24T09:42:00.000-05:00

i just want to....sing.....

STOP THAT!!!

2003-10-24T09:25:00.000-05:00

if i had to make a top 10 comedy films of all time list, it would be hard, but i know monty python and holy grail would be in it. dumb and dumber would be as well. and airplane.....hmmmmm......tough choices.

2003-10-24T09:21:00.000-05:00

brave brave brave sir robin.....

2003-10-24T09:12:00.000-05:00

god idea o lord!

course it's a good idea!!

2003-10-24T09:10:00.000-05:00

Camelot!!!

it's only a model....

2003-10-24T09:06:00.000-05:00

well she turned me into a newt!!

a newt?

.....i got better....

2003-10-24T09:03:00.000-05:00

tis but a scratch!

a scratch? your arm's off!!

i've had worse....

you lie!!

c'mon ya pansy!!

2003-10-24T09:00:00.000-05:00

Help help!!! i'm being repressed!!

2003-10-24T08:54:00.000-05:00

It could be carried by an african swallow!!!

2003-10-24T07:54:00.000-05:00

Who didn't see this coming?

Ex-POW's Family Accuses Army Of Double Standard on Benefit

2 girls injured, 1 girl white, 1 girl black, media hype on white girl.......

you don't have to be head cashier at walmart to figure out that equals out to the race card being played. here's the key quote.

"There is [a double standard]," Claude Johnson said in an interview. "I don't know for sure that it was the Pentagon. All I know for sure is that the news media paid a lot of attention to Jessica."

so ya know what there jackass? you need to be directing your fucking lawsuits at the MEDIA.

2003-10-24T05:13:00.000-05:00

this is as close as this site will get to public service announcements. the mayor will do his part to educate people on the more taboo elements of the english language. enjoy expanding your vocabulary. this might also answer a few questions you might've had about my language.

perhaps one of the most interesting words in the english language today is the word "FUCK". out of all the english words that begin with the letter "f" FUCK is the only word referred to as the "f word". it's the one magical word. just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate or love. FUCK as most words in the english language, is derrived from german, the word 'frichen' which means to strike. in english, FUCK falls into many grammatical categories.

as a transitive verb for instance
"john FUCKed shirley"

or as an intransitive verb
"shirley FUCKs"

it's meaning is not always sexual.

it can be used as an adjective
"john's doing all the FUCKing work."

as part of an adverb
"shirley talks too FUCKing much."

as an adverb enhancing an adjective
"shirley is FUCKing beautiful."

as a noun
"i don't give a FUCK."

as part of a word
"abso-FUCKing-lutely", or "in-FUCKing-credible"

and as almost every word in a sentance
FUCK the FUCKing FUCKers.

as you must realize there isn't too many words with the versitility of the word FUCK. as in these examples describing situations such as

fruad
"i got FUCKed at the used car lot."

dismay
"aw FUCK it."

trouble
"i guess i'm really FUCKed now."

agression
"don't FUCK with me buddy!"

difficulty
"i don't understand this FUCKing question."

inquiry
"who the FUCK was that?"

dissatisfaction
"i don't like what the FUCK is going on here."

imcompetance
"he's a FUCK-off"

dismissal
"why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-FUCK-yourself?"

i'm sure you can think of many more examples. with all of these multi-purpose examples how can anyone be offended when you use the word? i say use this unique and flexible word more often in your daily speech. it will identify the quality of your character immediately.

say it loudly and proudly....FUCK YOU.

2003-10-24T03:05:00.000-05:00

more random thoughts from the end of the earth:

- A-1 sauce is good on all forms of steak to include salisbury and chicken-fried

- i taste sand

- i'm getting used to looking up and seeing a beautiful starry sky.

- canadian military chicks ain't half-bad. pretty cute actually.

- the sand.....it's everywhere. and it's going to get worse when i go south.

- if you work a desk job, for the love of god, learn some fucking writing skills. being a high-ranking officer means you should organize your thoughts better than a kid fresh out of 6th grade.

2003-10-24T02:53:00.000-05:00

tee hee hee......

just got back from the bazaar.

Original Star Wars Trilogy on DVD = $5

and the quality is great.

excuse me while i giggle like a schoolgirl

hee hee hee....tee hee hee hee.....

2003-10-24T00:37:00.000-05:00

Movie update.

here's a picture of a character from the upcoming Shrek 2.

Puss in Boots

to be voiced by Antonio Banderas.

2003-10-23T10:29:00.000-05:00

Doodling update: in reference to the doodles below.

just to answer a couple questions before i get them.....

- all the doodling is freestyle, it's just me sitting there with a pen during boring meetings or during conference calls.
- i don't plan anything, i just start drawing. i'll draw a triangle or something and then work my way around it adding other shapes and filling in some.
- i have no formal training in art.
- in fact, i hated art classes in school.
- it takes me about 5 to 10 minutes to do one of these.

2003-10-23T10:06:00.000-05:00

English lesson

it's got cussing but go here, you'll laugh your ass off, trust me.

Chris, you'll remember this one.

2003-10-23T09:53:00.000-05:00

Jimmy's doodling. answer me something, i know the pics are kinda blurry but would you want something like these for a tattoo?

2003-10-23T07:58:00.000-05:00

Cheerleaders always improving the show.

we got some people complaining that it's too sexy and that the outfits are too revealing.

GET OVER IT.

i think you need to start accepting something really damn fast. football is marketed for MEN. men full of testosterone, beer, and meat. men who wanna see hard hits and big tits. hey that rhymes. i'm poet and i didn't know it.

woo hoo!!!!

yeah i know chicks watch football. that's awesome. seriously honey i'm happy for ya. but the sport ain't geared for or marketed for you. god forbid it ever is. i think the sport is already starting to wuss itself out a bit. let's hope it doesn't go totally puss.

2003-10-22T21:08:00.000-05:00

Add John Mellencamp to the list of hypocritical singers.

ok so he writes a song blasting the war and Bush and everything as he is allowed to do under his first amendment rights. fine and dandy. good for you john, way to wedge yourself back into the spotlight. just when we had almost COMPLETELY forgotten about you......way to find a way to make people take notice of you.

oh but then the song gets labeled "anti-american" and un-patriotic" by other people who, in doing so, are merely "expressing their first amendment rights". so what's wrong john? i thought that's what freedom is all about. being able to critisize anyone and call anyone what you feel they are. they're only expressing their opinion same as you......

oh i get now.....it's only first amendment speech if you're BASHING the government and Bush, not standing up for him. it's censorship to tell some has-been singer that he's a fucking moron. silly me.

2003-10-22T20:58:00.000-05:00

This horse is almost dead and i think i see a drop of blood coming from the turnip.......

ok seriously, what's the fucking point of releasing the videos of the columbine killers? other than to milk the story for more press and chance for the ignorant anti-gun jackasses to shoot off (if you'll pardon the pun) their mouths like the uneducated morons that they are?

god i hate the media.

2003-10-22T06:18:00.000-05:00

i'm not alone.

i thought i was the only person on the planet who immediately thought of the movie Demolition Man when Arnold announced his run for governor.

Not so

2003-10-22T04:51:00.000-05:00

Added a few links over on the left in case you hadn't noticed. thought i'd run them down.

Serenity's Journal - i discovered her blog today. here's a woman i can dig. the girl can rant. bless her angry heart.
Instapundit - the big dog on the block of blogging.
Rachel Lucas - she's taking a break from blogging. that's cool. i did the same myself a while back.
T-Crown - an insightful fellow. very intelligent too. but doesn't take himself too seriously.
Biasblog - Susanna. a very thoughtful gal up in NY. run susanna!!!! run!!!!
Right We Are! - 2 gals who have their own site and they are right, sexy is a woman on the right.
Day by Day - an online comic. very very good. political.
The Corner - the 'blog' over at the National Review. stomping ground of Jonah Goldberg, the greatest pundit alive in my opinion. well, besides myself. duh.
Ben Domenech - i like this guy cuz he blogs on video games from time to time.
Geek Press - a blog to learn about new things in science and links to tons of interesting things online. very much worth a daily visit.
Spoons - i think he's still pissed the Cubs lost. he's an angry guy. he's cool though.

all these people are worth a read.

2003-10-22T02:59:00.000-05:00

Bunch of savages in this camp.

ok, it isn't a real turd in the shower.....we took the "chocolate sports bar" from one of the MRE packs and tossed it in the shower. ya gotta admit, it looks real. this is what it's come to folks. this is how we're getting our kicks here.

2003-10-22T00:37:00.000-05:00

I have now replaced the saying "when the shit hits the fan" with "when the shit hits the shower"

hilarity shall ensue.

2003-10-22T00:21:00.000-05:00

This is just too good not to comment on. Gest Sues Liza for $10 Million. Story courtesy of Newsmax.

NEW YORK - Producer David Gest sued Liza Minnelli for $10 million Tuesday, accusing his estranged wife of alcohol-fueled violence that caused neurological damage and headaches.

That's just withdrawl symptoms from "the gay". Dr. Jeff's advice, take two gerbils and call me in the morning.

Minnelli and Gest separated in July, just 16 months after they wed at a celebrity-studded ceremony that featured best man Michael Jackson carrying the bride's train. Elizabeth Taylor served as maid of honor.

A freak show worthy of the Barnum name. Hold on a sec, Michael carried the train? WTF!?! Was Shirley Temple busy working on her come back or something? Hey Mike, instead of dangling Blanket over a balcony like a frat hazing why not just have him dragged behind Liza?

Gest's lawyer, Raoul Felder, said his client suffered neurological damage and headaches from the alleged attacks, and is staying at a rehabilitation clinic in Honolulu.

Ladies and gentlemen the soothing sounds of Raoul. You get a cookie if you can remember that one. His lawyer's name is Raoul Felder? And I thought Juan Epstein was the only Puerto Rican Jew in New York. I can just see it now. "Its ok Your Honor. I gotta note."

In one incident last June in London, court papers allege Minnelli consumed a bottle of vodka before she threw a lamp at Gest in their hotel suite.

What the hell else are you supposed to do after a bottle of vodka, cross stich? Besides, nothing washes down a handful of little blues better than some Stoli. Mmmm, liquor made of potatoes. How the Russians beat us out on that one is beyond me.

She later "began beating (Gest) about the head and face with her fists," the lawsuit said. When Gest asked a security guard to intervene, court papers say Minnelli punched him in the stomach.

She kept yelling at him, "Could you please keep the cock out of your mouth to answer questions from Access Hollywood?" Hey Dave, come here a sec... MAN UP YOU HALF A FAG! I don't condone violence against women but I know what turns Mr. Hand into Mr. Fist. Sorry ladies but if you come out swinging like a man, expect a left hook.

The most tradgic thing to come of all this ugliness is that well have no more portrayals from Mya Rudolph and Chris Katan on SNL.

2003-10-22T00:15:00.000-05:00

Speaking of the Zucker brothers Jeff, they're the ones doing Scary Movie 3. i think that's the only reason i'll watch it. that and Leslie Neilson and George Carlin are in it.

if the Wayans bros were doing it i'd pass. is it me or are those 2 a little TOO convincing when they do the homo thing?

2003-10-22T00:12:00.000-05:00

The Phantom Shitter.....

so during a staff meeting some of the cleaning guys told us that a couple of the showers were being shit in. i shit you not (if you'll pardon the pun). while i agree that it's nasty as hell, you can't help but laugh. who could it be? i keep hearing that narrator voice from that daffy duck cartoon where daffy was the mustache fiend....

"it could be YOU....it could be ME....."

it isn't me. i swear. sometimes i shave and brush my teeth in the shower, but i'm not in that big a rush in the morning.

2003-10-21T15:10:00.000-05:00

"So Joey, do you like to watch movies about gladiators?"

Being an insomniac you get to see all kinds of gems during the late night. Judging from the above quote, and hoping your up on your pop culture, last night's flic was Airplane! Classic movie viewing right there. Jim Abrams and the Zucker brothers were waaaay ahead of their time, but unfortunately time caught up with them. If it weren't Leslie Neilson and Lloyd Bridges, these guys would be teaching film class at Bunker Hill Community College.

Then you have the late night reruns of news analyst programs. Yesterday Chris Matthews had an entire hour with John Kerry at Harvard University. Haven't seen an crowd that stacked since the last AVN Awards. If Matthews and Kerry got anymore friendly they would have been going down on each other quicker than Paul Prudhome on a chili dog. Let's see if that visual haunts you all day.

Lots and lots of public service type commercials. United Way, Christian Childrens Fund, etc. I love how the networks caved in to the federal government's requirement of so many hours of these commercials per veiwing day. What I love more is how the networks put these on in the middle of the night when no one is watching TV. Because who really wants to see a public service message about child neglect or wife beating during the World Series? The More You Know...

2003-10-21T10:14:00.000-05:00

good for you jimmy!! i went camping in the shenandoah mountains this past weekend and experienced that same sort of wonderment... and while i saw billions and billions more stars than i've ever seen from my suburban backyard i'm sure it's nothing compared to what you were able to see out in the desert. think any of that would show up in pictures?

oh and way to go getting off the smokes!!

2003-10-21T01:44:00.000-05:00

getting away from it all: the good side.

last night i was outside the tent with one of my buddies chatting as he puffed away on his cigarette. yes, i quit upon leaving tashkent and i haven't craved a puff. i haven't had any soda since then either. why my body hasn't fallen apart is beyond me.

anyhoo.....the point of the story. we were talking and i looked up in the sky and there it was, one of the most beautiful starry nights i've ever seen. i mean, we're talking a sky that was 100% empty of clouds and so many damn stars they lit up the sky like you wouldn't believe. and a shiny cresent moon as well. i honestly can't remember the last time i saw a perfect starry night. it was pretty grand. like i said while back, this a dirty, violent, poor, war-torn country but dammit there is beauty to be found.

2003-10-20T17:59:00.000-05:00

Man I guess when you get back you'll be buying that crap by the gallon huh? Its good on fries to man.

2003-10-20T09:06:00.000-05:00

Ok all you cooks out there, listen up. Jimmy will now amaze you with some sharing of recipes he has crafted while in the harsh desert of Afghanistsan.

.......um....

well ok, maybe not so much recipes....

um.....uh....

ok, actually it's a list of stuff that i've put A-1 steak sauce on and it tastes good.

- steak
- hamburgers
- hot dogs
- mashed potatoes
- french toast
- fried chicken
- meatloaf
- corn on the cob
- french fries

there ya go. bon appetite.

2003-10-20T08:18:00.000-05:00

you know the WUZZUP.... commericals from budweiser?

check this out

this one is mostly for you chris.

2003-10-20T07:33:00.000-05:00

I'm no fan of Gregg Easterbrook (especially when he manages crap like this -- dude, actually read the case law, then comment, ok?), but being fired from ESPN for comments that he immediately apologized for, made in a different venue than on ESPN, is simply stupid.

Look, TMQ sucked. Hard. I think Easterbrook is largely overrated. He and I diverge politically, early and often. But the guy is a more or less reasonable fellow, he made a mistake, he apologized, now he's fired and his columns have all been yanked from ESPN?

Lame, kids. But ESPN has been getting lame for a while now. Like, since they started treating NASCAR as a "sport."

Hi, Jimmy!

2003-10-20T01:38:00.000-05:00

2 days in a row now.

breakfast = steak and french toast.

mmmmmmm......nummy nummy nummy.....

2003-10-20T00:34:00.000-05:00

Along the line of movie news also, supposedly Sly is looking to make Rambo 4. only this time we'd have a lot of flashbacks to a young rambo in nam. i guess question is, who can play a young rambo?

2003-10-20T00:30:00.000-05:00

Coming soon.....the muppets do....

The Wizard of Oz

no seriously.

Lisa: dad what's a muppet?
Homer: well, it's not quite a puppet and not quite a mop, but man...hee hee....so to answer your question i don't know.

2003-10-18T22:13:00.000-05:00

I'm ALMOST to the point of hoping Kobe ends up being guilty. JUST so i can start laughing my damn head off at jerkoffs like this

couple of things to note about the picture and the guy holding the jersey

- not a black person, so the whole "he's being persecuted cuz THE MAN is keeping a brother down" card isn't being played.

- not a teenager so the typical youngster ignorance isn't it either.

the guy looks to be a middle age fat hispanic guy. so my money is on either a really really stupid man, or a big fan who thinks his team's season is more important than justice.

either way the sheer attention this case has gotten is already insane and i'm still pissed that Kobe is still loved and adored even though he's a rich shithead who fucked some gal cuz he couldn't wait to get back to his wife and kids.

like i said, i'm juuuuuust about to the point of rooting for a "guilty" verdict. i'm that disgusted. i doubt i'll get there because i'd rather that if the public in large is going to hate the girl doing the accusing they at least have a legit reason to hate her instead of "why did you have go and tell on my idol? now he can't play basketball!!! couldn't you just live the rest of your life in shame and mental anguish instead?"

2003-10-18T09:46:00.000-05:00

Well, after much net surfing and research i decided on my PDA purchase.

I'm going with the Palm Tungsten C

i know adrian and chris you both said you prefer the pocket PC. in the end, the biggest factor guiding my choice had to do with the mini built-in keyboard on in. i just didn't wanna have to learn that whole writing one letter at a time in the same place thing most of the others seem to have. So what handy-dandy features will my new toy have?

- Office Docs - i can carry excel and word docs with me. very handy. since when in meetings if i'm unsure about something in the contract i'll be able to look it up quickly.

- Calander/Daily Planner/To-Do List - i'm one of the most forgetful people i know. i think. i can't remember. anyway, with the abundence of meetings that require my presence i'll be able to make sense of it all. plus i can be reminded of important dates. like birthdays. right now i remember my own and my family. my immediate family. that's it. i remember dale earnhardt jr's only cuz it's the same as my mom's.

some other not-crucial features but will be nice to have

- mp3 player - i can store a couple songs on it. not bad to have.
- picture viewer - to keep pics of the loved ones. and friends. speaking of which, how bout ya'll send some this way huh?
- wi-fi/web browser/email - i doubt a wireless network is in place at the camp but maybe i can get one hooked up myself.
- games - i can purchase mini-games. like chess or solitare. hours of fun. hours i won't have.
- ebooks - you can actually buy a CD that will let you download onto the PDA 250 books. all complete unabridged. check them all out. the complete works of shakespeare and others.

i'm having it shipped to site 3 so i can't tell you how it is for a few weeks. stay tuned.

here's a pic of it.

2003-10-18T03:31:00.000-05:00

guess i should throw a comment in on the whole yankees - red sox thing.

all i'm going to say is that i'm sorry the sox lost. f the yankees.

i think the best commentary on this comes from the sports guy.

read it.

2003-10-17T22:58:00.000-05:00

I watched one of my bazaar DVDs last night. Kill Bill.

you can tell it was filmed in a theater, surprisingly, the quality wasn't that bad.

and that movie rocked. big time. Quentin Taranteno does it again. those were some seriously bitchin fight scenes.

tonight, The Rundown.

2003-10-17T19:44:00.000-05:00

Hey man how about buying 2 of everything and I'll buy them when you get back

2003-10-17T10:29:00.000-05:00

The following opinion piece, written by Dave Lesar, appeared in today's Wall Street Journal

A Halliburton cook in Baghdad is a VIP in the Middle East. Just ask the soldiers she serves. She has never met Richard Cheney, the former CEO of the company who now is the Vice President of the United States. Our cook has one mission, to help the troops by delivering meals, as only she can do, and assisting other Halliburton employees to make life easier for soldiers in Iraq. On special evenings, she delivers a little bit of Louisiana to Baghdad. In fact, she delivers lagniappe, the word used in Louisiana that means "a little bit extra." In wartime, "a little extra" means getting mail from home, wearing clean uniforms, taking a shower, eating hot meals, providing water and electricity, and consuming an occasional platter of Cajun delicacies. For her and all Halliburton employees, lagniappe is her job. And she does it on special occasions for the young men and women working to keep the peace in Iraq. The cook I mentioned is one of thousands of Halliburton employees who are proudly serving in the Middle East at this critical time. Her skills, as well as other employees' expertise and our extensive experience doing the difficult work that must be done in Iraq, make Halliburton uniquely qualified to serve the Armed Services.

We have done this vital work for years, serving both Republican and Democrat administrations. In World War II, we built warships. In Vietnam, we constructed airfields and port facilities. In Somalia, Rwanda, Haiti and the Balkans, we worked alongside the troops to help provide a sense of normalcy to those countries. In 1991, during the first Gulf War, our people helped extinguish over one half of the oil fires in Kuwait.

The company was founded in 1919 and has primarily focused on business-to-business relationships. Many people have never heard of Halliburton, despite the company's worldwide reach and long service to the government. But now, because of politics, that is changing. It began in August 2000 when the company's chairman, Richard Cheney, became a vice presidential candidate. At that time, Mr. Cheney totally removed himself from Halliburton's operations. In short, Mr. Cheney has no financial interest in the future success of Halliburton. Despite these steps by Mr. Cheney and the great work of Halliburton's employees in Iraq, the company's contract with the government has become a political target.

The question raised is not about Halliburton's capabilities to do the job. The company is one of only a few that actually can successfully accomplish all the work that needs to be done. Let's be clear. This is not a vacation escape. Our folks deliver the essentials, build the transmission lines, dig the ditches, keep open the communications lines from home, and they have a host of other duties. Our Halliburton employees live in the same conditions as the troops.

The particular contract that has been used in political banter is actually an extension of an earlier competitively bid contract. When we were awarded the contract to provide logistical assistance, Halliburton was told to develop an emergency plan in case of war with Iraq. Specifically, we prepared a contingency plan to extinguish oil field fires and rebuild infrastructure that might be destroyed during the war. Everyone remembers the damage from burning oil well fires in the first Gulf War. The hostilities caused some of the damages, but internal saboteurs contributed to the destruction of road, rail and communications systems in Kuwait. The Armed Services wanted to prevent significant environmental damage which would drain that country's most valuable natural resource.

When the Iraq War began, the Department of Defense asked Halliburton to implement its wartime emergency plan that was approved under the existing and competitively bid contract. It is critical that the Defense Department be able to quickly respond to the needs on the ground as they arise. Those who were fighting the war, and who now are trying to keep the peace, needed a support system right away. A lengthy bid process simply wasn't feasible.

There have been allegations from politicians earlier this week about the cost of procuring and delivering fuel in Iraq. We awarded the fuel acquisition contract to the suppliers who could meet the very strict requirements defined by our client, the United States Government. The requirement included the ability to acquire the necessary quantities of fuel and the ability to deliver it in a hostile environment. We continue to negotiate fair and competitive prices to provide fuel to the Iraqi people that will help create a sense of normalcy for those who have suffered.

Even our critics concede that Halliburton has the right skills to perform the work. Our employees are there to make the troops more comfortable in a difficult environment by bringing them shelter, supplies, clean uniforms and mail from their loved ones back home. And, we are building roads, putting out fires, and restoring services in Iraq. The goal is to create a sense of normalcy for those who have suffered. Halliburton's work with governmental contracts is a small but important part of our overall operations. Halliburton is one of the world's largest oil field services companies, and it is a premier provider of engineering and construction services. We build pipelines and bridges, and we contract with other companies to deliver much-needed energy supplies to parts of the world that are sorely lacking in these services. The services for the military, in fact, produce a profit of only a few cents on the dollar -- we do this work because it is important. And, it has been proven that when Halliburton provides these backup and support services for the military, lives are saved because fewer troops are placed in harm's way and more soldiers can stay home with their families. Our people are brought in to get the job done and they do it well.

Frankly, I know the political attacks will continue. As chief executive officer of a great company with 100,000 employees, I am extremely proud of our work and our ability to do the tough job -- we thrive on the challenge. Every one of us will be resolute in our commitment to deliver the essentials to the men and women who are serving our country. They deserve nothing less. To the soldiers in Iraq, you can count on us. You have earned your claim for a little "lagniappe" like mail, meals, electricity and life support systems.

that was my boss writing it. he asked all of us to write our local newspapers or representatives to relate our own personal experiences on how we feel about our jobs and what we do.

i'm going to contribute in the best way i feel i can. here. i'll share my own perspective.

all the political aligations stem from financial reasons. halliburton takes heat because the left feels all we're doing is cheating people out of money and all we want is money and we'll screw who we need to in order to get it. well, first off yes, we're in this to make money. that's a given. no company out there is in business to NOT make money. my own PERSONAL perspective goes back to my days in the military. my jobs while enlisted sat me down to be in a position to watch just how the government spends it's own money. i've seen how it's spent, what it's spent on, and who makes the decisions to spend it. furthermore, you only have to realize one thing in this whole deal......

if halliburton (or any other private company) were not here doing this, the military would have to do it. you do not want that. this isn't a backhanded bitter slam on the military. what i mean is that our military has limited resources. very limited human resources. there's a lot of talk out there about bringing the troops home and how the troops miss their loved ones, and putting them in harm's way. with every mission we take over, that's another group of soldiers that are now freed up to either go home, or to move on to something more important.

another reason you don't want the military doing everything, the living conditions. i say this as someone living here right now and as a former soldier. i've heard all about what being deployed was like. i've worked with plenty of people who've deployed to have a good idea of what it's like. soldiers never had it so good here. those of you who have served and have deployed ask yourself a few things.

- when i was deployed did i eat steak or lobster tails on a WEEKLY basis?
- was there a BX/PX in camp that sold soda/dvds/video games?
- did i have someone else doing my laundry and folding it for me for FREE?
- was there an internet cafe?
- did i have a gym with fully stocked weight room and treadmills?

chances are most of you would pass out if you saw the difference in living conditions from when the military ran things and then when we were running them. so not only are we allowing for troops to go home out of harm's way, we're making life better for the ones still here.

let's also look at what we've done for other countries.

- we're putting out oil fires.
- we're cleaning up oil spills.
- we're rebuilding the power, water, and sewer systems
- we pumping money into the local economies

yeah that's real evil corporate work.....shame on us for making life better for these people.

personal example i've seen: my trip thru tashkent. while i was in the hotel for 3 days i spent like maybe $100 or so myself. mostly on drinks, internet use, and other stuff. i spent more in 3 days than most people in that country make in a MONTH. we weren't there robbing people, we were throwing gobs of money at them. those are people who can now afford better living. and as they spend the money it goes out to those around them.

anyway, to sum it all up, you can believe the news or the 50 millions yahoos running for the democratic nom for prez, or some (no offense jackie and josh) 20 yr old college doofus who's never worked a day in their life living off mommy and daddy about how evil we are......

or you can believe me. either way it doesn't matter to me.

2003-10-17T09:08:00.000-05:00

went to the bazaar they have every friday by one of the gates. picked up some DVDs

The Rundown
Kill Bill
Underworld

$9 for all 3

tee hee.

now i need to get a DVD player to watch them.

2003-10-17T05:51:00.000-05:00

another jackass is rewarded for his insane views.

i'll admit, i didn't read this whole thing. from what i gathered it's about some independant filmaker scrub who decided to make a film saying "hey why is everyone patriotic? i bet if i blab about how crummy america is and spout typical libral crap out my mouth people will praise me as a genius with a vision!" well people do. and what i find hilarious to pathetic about this is that this guy along with every moron out there takes a swipe at ashcroft and the whole "losing our civil liberties" horsecrap. never mind that if we were even remotely close to the police state these yahoos like to pretend we've become that he'd have been tossing into jail just for making the film. oh no, but instead, this idiot os rewarded with a tv show on VH1. seriously, those of you out there who think we've lost civil liberties.....have you ever so much as READ what a REAL police state is like? the sinkhole of ignorance in this country is amazing and what's worse is that it's growing.

2003-10-16T21:49:00.000-05:00

I couldn't wait to see this pic.

we'll see more of it come election time.

2003-10-16T21:46:00.000-05:00

Still no French Toast in the chow hall. how rude.

meesa no happy.

had to settle for another biscuit-jelly sandwich.

i'd eat the pancakes if they weren't frisbees.

2003-10-16T21:30:00.000-05:00

I asked the cable guy for that channel. He said I'd have to hook him up for him to hook me up and he had stuff growing on him. So I declined. I'll have to go steal your big screen and cable box and sit here and catch up.

2003-10-16T21:26:00.000-05:00

You don't get penis-vision at your place?

2003-10-16T21:25:00.000-05:00

If only I had seen that episode. That must have been on the secret channel that only penises can see.

2003-10-16T21:24:00.000-05:00

ok you know what, i'm not posting anymore pics of myself. fuck all you guys. no smile, smile.......i still get crap.

did you think i was shitting you when i said i wasn't photogenic?

i'm ugly. accept it.

2003-10-16T21:21:00.000-05:00

mary, that's why i have to go with Bill Cosby when he says "only someone as intelligent as we can fake such stupidity."

2003-10-16T21:14:00.000-05:00

See we - girls - underestimate guys. We always assume that yal only know how to think with the smaller of your two heads. But that's where you get us. Yal have that panic button. See junior senses some type of emotion not associated with himself and freaks out and presses the panic button. Then all information goes directly into the big head to sort out and work on. Of course the big head takes a few minutes to load up since it hasn't been up and running since the last argument. Then things calm down, junior recouperates from the overload and at the perfect moment "pops back up" and it's time for the big head to take a rest again.

2003-10-16T15:40:00.000-05:00

Hey man here in corpus my views on things might be a little laid back. School work still drives me crazy but I'm handling it, work is cool I get to meet a lot of people that way. We have a bet down here that the guy in Chicago is shoot before the end of the week by some die hard cubs fan. And a little side note god bless the man that invented volleyball shorts.

2003-10-16T12:33:00.000-05:00

2003-10-16T10:07:00.000-05:00

random notes from the end of the earth.

- i love A-1 steak sauce. it's good on everything. steak, burgers, salisbury steak, corn-on-the-cob.....it's great. god bless the chow hall for keeping big bottle of it on the tables at all times.

- when i get back home and for the first couple weeks i don't flush the toilet at all, gimme some pity, just crapping indoors will be a treat for me.

- some of these army girls i see walking around have their M-16s strapped around their back. the barrell of the gun is like 3 inches of the ground. how do these girls shoot those things? do they need someone to spot them?

- i'm getting better at doing more things in the dark. changing clothes, changing flashlight batteries, navigating the gravel and sandbags to pee late at night.

- i've occasionally seen some stray dogs roaming around camp. i didn't see any in the south korean camp area though.

- i'm going to have to move next to an airport when i get back. i'm going to need the sound of helicoptors and airplanes taking off to get me to sleep soon.

2003-10-16T05:43:00.000-05:00

Here ya pushy freaks. Here's a picture of me smiling!!!!

happy? jeez.....

2003-10-16T03:37:00.000-05:00

The thrill of victory

the agony of defeat

game 7 yankees - red sox tonight for you in the states. tomorrow morning for me.

mike, we were right. 7 games. i'm pulling for the sox buddy.

chris, you've got stage 1 of your world series dream. the "f'ing Cubs" are indeed rotting.

2003-10-15T21:54:00.000-05:00

Ok fine Chris, you win.

well almost. Arizona is considering going to california route and giving licences to illegal aliens instead of kicking them the fuck out of the country. Should this happen, i will in fact post admitting that arizona has offically become a worthless shithole.

can't we start posting troops at the border and treating them as foreign invaders? i got nothing bad to say about the ranchers down there who are taking matters into their own hands and capping some asses. these uptight numbnut liberals are crying big tears because we just don't understand or appreciate the levels of poverty and the desperation of these people who want to make a better life....yappity yappity yappity. tell ya what, how bout i send a few homeless bums to move into your apartment unasked, sponge off your property, steal your crap, drive your local hospital into bankrupcy, and turn your neighborhood to crap? i'm sure you'll be nothing but understanding when it happens to you. right? yeah right.

i don't care if you think i'm being mean or cruel. and if you think i'm being racist you can cram it up your ass, i AM of mexican decent. i was born in El Paso. a city that gets dirtier and worse to live in with every passing day. ask my grandmother, she'll tell you how bad it is. my sister is trying to get into medicene and she did the research on jobs out in the cali and arizona areas, she'll tell you medical jobs suck because hospitals are broke from unpaid bills for having to treat illegals with no coverage and no intentions of ever giving anything back to this country.

i'm not an idiot, i know this country was built by immigrants. you know what though, a good portion of them didn't come to mooch off what was already built. they were kicked the hell out of wherever they were living. here in america, we took the people that the rest of the world didn't WANT and we got em all together, built the best fucking country ever to exist, and then proceeded to toss the finger at the rest of world yelling, "look what WE did with the people you didn't want!!" but the people that came here came here looking to give something, not take.

2003-10-15T21:33:00.000-05:00

"Queer eye for the deployed guy"....just because you're in the middle of nowhere doesn't mean you can't be at your best....

sounds like we got a show on our hands!! i'll call the networks.

ok tell ya what guys, you email me and tell me what you'd like beside your name. those titles were awarded on the cuff. i was going to put "the hamburgler" by your name jeff.

cable? network? i know not of these things you speak of. all i have here is AFN in the chow hall.

Hai Karate? we used to just get my dad Old Spice every year.

2003-10-15T18:12:00.000-05:00

Kris is right Jimmy. Anymore pics like that and I'm sending The Fab Five over there to give you a queer makeover.

I just noticed the Mister Culture thing on the side bar. I've never considered myself quite that cultured. I do my own home and vehicle repairs, I drink like a sailor, go 4-wheeling, smoke like a chimney and speak my mind when I shouldn't. On the other hand I do appreciate the finer things and could tell you that a bottle of '97 Spätleze is better than a '99. That's only because like is too short to drink cheap booze.

The push present is the biggest load of shite I've ever heard. Like women don't have enough days out of the calendar to wring us dry. What do we have? Father's day for those who have chosen to spawn or just forgot to pull out. And all we get is another bottle of Hai Karate.

As far as the state of TV, I'd have to say the network TV is going to the birds while cable is picking up those of us who've forgotten where the VHF and UHF channels are. There just too much good stuff on Discovery, History Comedy Central, Spike and Bravo to bother with mind rotting sitcoms and game shows given the name "reality". There is nothing real about Survivor, Big Brother, Amazing Race and all that other shit. Its a game on TV with a prize for the winner. Sounds like a Showcase Showdown to me. If you guys want a real reality show, watch the Restaraunt. That's real.

2003-10-15T16:21:00.000-05:00

hey i'm kris. the one who took the bait. i worked columbus day and i don't believe in the "push present"... i got a baby... what could beat that? i don't think i'd ever tire of jimmy's unique style of ranting but i'm happy to offer an angry chic perspective (if ya looked at my blog mebbe i'm not so angry). i could go off on a number of things just at the moment... the sad state of television these days, cashing in on life changing events for baubles, why i watch womens beach volleyball ;).... but for now i'm wayyyy too busy laughin my fool head off at the gruesome footage jeff has shared with everyone.
hello to chris - the smart guy, jeff - mister culture, and jimmy - el mayorino, if yer not into the whole brevity thing... the pics? you look marvelous! a smile would simply shatter the whole sourpuss gig ya got goin. hope i don't let ya down!
kris - the chic

2003-10-15T15:54:00.000-05:00

Here is the gruesome picture of the attack Roy Horn suffered on stage. Don't view if you have a weak stomach.

2003-10-14T22:02:00.000-05:00

If I ever find the woman, and yes its a woman, who designs bathroom or kitchen hangables (towel racks, etc.) I'm going to have her drawn a quartered. No man would have came up with mounting hardware this difficult. And if there is one he should be beaten with a piece of heavy mining equipment.

After I got the mounting hardware on, which was no biggie with my Skil electric driver, putting on the towel hook on the other hand required the ability shuck a roach like it was a lobster. This pice of shit came with an allen wrench that would have given Ant Man a hand cramp. An half an hour, two beers and three smokes later the fucking thing was mounted.

Next time the frau buys some shit for the house, as painful as it might be, I'm going with her so I don't have to brush off my advanced degree in nanotechnology to put that fucker on the wall.

2003-10-14T21:27:00.000-05:00

Ok, I'm back from the abyss.

So where have you been Jeff?

Good question. After fiscal year close out I was of course feeling a tad burned out. I was also doing more work on the house during the middle of which I suffer a rather lovely pinched nerve. After I could move my head and FYE ended, I get moved to a new section that I'll be heading up in two weeks time. I have no knowledge of this new section so I have to take a crash course so I don't look like a complete jackass as the new NCOIC. More to follow, and I'm glad to hear you're doing semi-well Jimmy me boy.

2003-10-14T10:15:00.000-05:00

more pictures of jimmy in action

ok yeah i realize i'm not smiling. i'm not photogenic. sue me. i'm sitting in the conference room working. i'm here cuz i don't have an office or a desk. i'm an orphan.

the vest is now a permanent fashion accessory. i noticed a lot of guys here wear them for the various notebooks, keys, and other stuff they carry. i figured it would be a good idea. so i grabbed a black one at the bx/px. i like it. got lots of pockets to store stuff. and when colder weather its, i already have a black vest that's fleece-lined to wear over a sweatshirt. also i have another permanent accessory, the armband. it contains a copy of my orders and my ID card. and a pen wedged in there.

it's funny i think. i looked at myself and saw how i appeared. dirty steel-toed boots, faded jeans, vest, shaggy facial hair..... and i thought "damn i look so blue collar" that pleased me.

roger and i had a discussion about this once. i'm not sure if i posted about it or emailed someone. anyway, the long and short of it is that roger and i realize that we both have had "white collar jobs" (finance, computers, contracting) but we have the personalities that make us more comfy around blue collar workers. i mean, i love hanging with the guys i work with here. everyone is laid back. today i was shadowing one of the electrical guys and i observed an interaction with him and his supervisor. his boss wanted him to do something and instead of running off and doing it, he explained to his boss that if he wants him to he'll do it, but he says it would be a bad idea. it shouldn't be done that way. what i found uplifting about this was that the boss listened and thought about it and then agreed. see, back in my military days i would've watched the boss get mad and yell for not following his orders fast enough. seriously. how many of you have bosses who would let you get away with telling them you think their orders are a bad idea? almost none i'm guessing if you're still in the military.

anyway, even though i have "desk job" i feel more in my element when hanging with the guys hammering nails and turning wrenches.

2003-10-14T08:49:00.000-05:00

even if the red sox lose the series, they're still better dancers.

or maybe they can say during the interviews...

reporter: red sox, what have you got on the yankees?
red sox: well, i'm 2 inches taller, a better dancer, and a lot more fun to be with.

please tell me someone gets the movie reference in that joke.

2003-10-14T08:33:00.000-05:00

read this and then tell yourself "no wonder jimmy hated where he lived."

and yes the greenbelt they mention is the one i lived in.

2003-10-14T07:47:00.000-05:00

it's only ingrained if you cave to it. but i think caving to the wife discussions are the wrong ones to have between you and i chris. *whipsnap*

hee hee.....i kid i kid.....you are only loving and you only want the best for your woman......

but still.......

*whipsnap*
*whipsnap*

2003-10-14T07:42:00.000-05:00

Oh, and for the record:

My dream Series, now that the Braves are gone, is Marlins-Sox, with the Marlins winning in four. That way, the good people of New England can go back to being depressed again, and the f'ing Cubs can rot in hell.

2003-10-14T07:41:00.000-05:00

Dude: Do you really think that's something new? If it's "new," then "new" translates as "since the 50s or so."

My wife has a list. She had a list last time. Some of the bleeping expecting baby books we have provide "sample lists." It's so ingrained now, don't expect to get away from it.

2003-10-13T23:04:00.000-05:00

now girls are trying to guilt guys into buying them expensive shit just for giving birth to a child.

here's a prime example of why i don't think i can ever be classified as a romantic guy or sensitive to a woman's needs. why? cuz i read this story, laughed my ass off, and thought "what a bunch of candyass whipped guys these men are with obviously too much fucking money to toss around."

come off it ladies!! i think for starters you're making off like fucking bandits for the whole engagement ring thing. and valentine's day is a criminal act as far as i'm concerned. gifts shouldn't be tied to holidays nor should they be limited to expensive jewels so you can parade them in front of your friends. see i love that, you expect us to buy the fancy ring so you can wave it at your friends but when we'd like you so dress up sexy so we can wave you in front of OUR friends then WE'RE the assholes. nice try but this man ain't biting.

so i tell ya what, i'll compromise. i'll get the fancy ring so you can wave it around, but the ring is coming in a package containing a schoolgirl outfit that you're going to wear with it so after you make your friends green with envy we can go make MY friends green.

see? i'm not such a bad guy once ya get to know me. i'm flexible.

2003-10-13T22:37:00.000-05:00

yesterday someone over in maintenance caught a 6 foot cobra. i've put in an order for a wallet or belt but i think the line is too long. actually, preventative medicine took it and pickled it and will use it as a training aid.

the snakes don't bother me as much as the spiders. specifically the camel spider. this mean bastard is like a cross between a scorpion and a spider. it has like these 4 prong-like jaws and they get as big as your hand. they don't bite, they fucking use acid and they just liquify the skin and just drink it. they're fast, aggressive, and they jump. some people catch them and then fight them against each other or against scorpions. they win every time. these things take out rats, scorpions and everything. this thing is an arachnophobia nightmare. i've seen one that someone encased in glass and preserved. that's as close as i'd like to get thank you.